


Five times Liz thought she loved Red (and one time she knew for sure)

by Melacka



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: 5 Things, Domestic Fluff, Established Lizzington, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Timeline? What Timeline?, season 5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2019-11-14 16:26:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18056000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melacka/pseuds/Melacka
Summary: Five moments in her life where Liz was almost certain that she loved Red. And one time she was absolutely sure.Established Lizzington.





	1. Surprises

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea that I've had for a while and I was initially just going to do small snippets all in one big chapter. And then I thought, why not be really self-indulgent and write six loosely-connected stories and put them all together? I've had a thing for Five Things fics for years and when I tried to write one for myself, I realised that I had a little too much to say for each mini-fic that I needed to turn them all into proper chapters.
> 
> So bear with me as I ignore canon and timelines and all sorts of stuff in order to have a little fun with my favourite characters. This is set vaguely in Season 5 but there is no daddygate. Tom has mysteriously disappeared as well. Just go with it.

It had been a particularly bad day for Liz. Never really one for patiently accepting that which she could not change, Liz was getting increasingly frustrated with how long her recovery was taking. She’d pushed herself too hard with the physiotherapist today without achieving anything other than more pain than usual, so she wasn’t feeling especially receptive when Red strolled in. She could tell by his manner that someone had warned him about her mood, which somehow made her feel worse.

“Hey,” she said grumpily.

“Good afternoon, Elizabeth,” he said in a neutral tone and she made an effort to smile in greeting. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Oh?” Liz said, interested in spite of herself. She looked at him carefully, trying to guess what it could be, but he didn’t give her any clues. “What kind of surprise?”

“A good surprise.”

“Well that narrows it down.”

“Patience,” he murmured with a teasing smile. “All in good time.”

She groaned in frustration and longed for the energy to throw a pillow at him. She’d really enjoy seeing it thump into his face.

“I wish everyone would stop telling me to be patient.”

“Of course,” Red said placatingly. “I’m sorry to be so trite—”

“Don’t worry about it,” she interrupted him quickly. “Just feeling my age today.”

He nodded in understanding and removed his hat and jacket. Liz watched him with interest, but he remained silent as he started to unbutton his vest.

“Is the surprise a strip tease?”

“What?” Red said distractedly, turning to look at her with his hands still on the last button of his vest.

“Because that _would_ be a good surprise. I’m sure we can rustle up some music if you want—”

“Really, Lizzy—”

“You might want to close the door, though, anyone could walk in and I wouldn’t want to be interrupted if you’re going to give me a show.”

“Elizabeth, if you really wanted me to give you such a display, I’m sure I could accommodate—”

She grinned at him and said, “Off you go, then.”

“Ordinarily I would be only too happy to,” he continued mildly. “On this occasion, however, I did have something else in mind.”

“Spoilsport,” she said, pouting. “What’s the big surprise, then?”

“We just have to wait for Dembe, he’ll be along momentarily.”

“Is Dembe going to do a strip—”

“I must beg you not to finish that sentence, Elizabeth.”

Liz laughed lightly and let the matter go, willing to wait for now. She could already feel her spirits lifting, even after only a few moments in his company. Besides, Red’s surprises were usually well thought out and she would welcome any distraction at this point. She struggled to sit up straighter in the bed and winced in pain. Red walked to her unhurriedly, knowing that she was likely to be annoyed by him acknowledging her weakness. He helped her arrange the pillows behind her in silence until she stopped fidgeting.

“Comfortable?” he asked quietly.

“Not even a little bit,” she said through gritted teeth. “But let’s not waste time hoping for miracles.”

“Can I do anything for you?”

“Get me a new body?” she joked feebly. “This one’s giving me a bit of trouble.”

“I’m rather fond of this one, Lizzy.” He gently brushed some hair back from her face and smiled warmly at her. “I wouldn’t want you to give up on it just yet.”

“You know,” Liz replied with an attempt at flirtation, “there is _one_ thing this old body can still manage.”

“Why, Elizabeth, are you _propositioning_ me?” Red murmured, leaning in close and grinning at her. “In this place of rest and recuperation? Where _anyone_ could walk in and catch us?”

Liz was laughing openly by the end of his little speech and she tugged lightly on his tie, encouraging him to come even closer.

“I’m sorry if I’ve shocked you, Raymond. I never knew you were such a prude.”

“How can you say that, Lizzy?” he cried, doing a very good impression of scandalised outrage. “Here I am, trying to aid you in your recovery—”

“I know something that could aid in my recovery,” she interrupted impatiently. He raised his eyebrow in question and she said, “Kiss me.”

Red made a low, rumbling noise of agreement and leant in, pressing his lips against hers gently. She quickly moved her hands to the back of his head, encouraging him to deepen the kiss. She didn’t need any more reminders of what she couldn’t do, she wanted to enjoy what she could. And she _thoroughly_ enjoyed kissing Red. She moaned quietly as his tongue traced her lower lip and he gently coaxed her mouth open.

“Ahem.”

They froze at the sound and then moved apart very slowly. Liz opened her eyes to find a very amused Dembe standing in the doorway.

“Hi Dembe,” Liz said as casually as she could manage. “It’s nice of you to pop by.”

“I am sorry to interrupt,” he said, not sounding sorry at all, “but I have made the arrangements, Raymond.”

Red heaved a sigh and stood up straight, his eyes still on Liz.

“Thank you, Dembe,” he said calmly. “Please set it up next to the window.”

“Set what up?” Liz said curiously as Dembe nodded and gestured to someone she couldn’t see out in the hallway.

“Your surprise,” Red replied cheerfully. “I have arranged for a small adjustment to be made to your room.”

“An adjustment? Is it the kind of adjustment where I am no longer in this room? Because _that_ I can get behind.”

“Not yet, I’m afraid. Desperate as I am to have you home, I would much rather you stay here to recover until it is absolutely certain that you are ready to leave.”

Liz ducked her head at the word _home_ as it applied to her and Red, feeling a traitorous little flutter of hope inside of her. Luckily, Red took this opportunity to start directing the two new men who had appeared in her room, hauling a large sofa through the door and averting their eyes respectfully. Two more men followed behind carrying a low table. Dembe brought up the rear, carrying a large box which he set down on the floor.

“Yes, just next to the window,” Red said authoritatively. “Yes, just move those other things out of the way. This has all been cleared with the hospital staff.”

Liz wondered vaguely if that was true or if Red was just planning to charm his way out of any disapproval from the staff as he usually did.

“Perfect. Thank you all.”

“Red, what—”

“I know how horrible it can be to convalesce in a hospital, Lizzy, even a very nice one like this.” He gestured at the comfortable-looking sofa and the simple coffee table. “I just thought that it might help if you could occasionally have somewhere else to go other than _that_ bed and _that_ chair.”

Red nodded at the hospital bed and the dreaded wheelchair as he spoke and Liz felt a sudden rush of gratitude. She really did hate to be so confined and while she didn’t quite believe in the miraculous healing powers of a sofa, she couldn’t help but look forward to getting out of bed. And she believed in Red, of course. If he thought that there was merit to this plan, then she was willing to give it a chance.

“When I have had the misfortune to spend long stretches of time confined to one place,” Red continued softly, “I have always found the little things to be the most important. Some variety, a splash of colour, a familiar, well-loved face.”

As he spoke, Dembe was unpacking the box he had brought in. He placed an enormous vase of flowers right in the centre and a laptop on the end closest to Red. Finally, he positioned a small, framed photo of Agnes on the other end, facing the sofa. Liz bit her lip, struggling to contain her emotions.

When Dembe had finished his arrangements and had once again taken up his position at the doorway, ever watchful, Red held his hand out for Liz in invitation.

“Will you join me, Lizzy?”

Liz cleared her throat and tried to will herself not to cry.

“Red, I—” She stopped herself and laughed. “I don’t even know—” She took his hand in hers and squeezed it softly. “I love it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he murmured quietly. “Now, will you join me?”

“Always,” Liz said without thinking and then blushed.

Red smiled at her and released her hand so he could pull back the blankets covering her. She sat up as straight as she could and Red gently manoeuvred her legs over the edge of the bed.

“Ready?”

“Oh, yes,” she breathed.

“Would you like me to ask Dembe to assist us or are you happy for me to do it?”

“I want you to do it,” she said quickly. “Please, Raymond, there are already too many people involved in this.”

He didn’t reply but nodded in understanding. Liz looped one arm around his neck as he stooped to lift her from the bed. She couldn’t stop a slight gasp from escaping her, a mixture of pain and anxiety that she tried desperately to ignore.

“Easy now, Lizzy,” he said soothingly as he adjusted his grip on her. “I’ve got you.”

“Yes,” she said, taking the rare opportunity of nuzzling into his neck and inhaling his familiar scent. “You do.”

Red made the short journey to the sofa and gently set Liz down in the centre. He lifted her legs up and then he sat in the corner closest to the laptop. He twisted his body so that Liz could easily rest against him, knowing that it was her preferred position on any chair they shared. Liz scooted carefully closer to him and he held his arms out in welcome. She leaned her back against him and sighed in satisfaction, drawing one of his arms around her waist and holding it in place. She was almost exhausted just from this small exertion, but it was well worth it. Anything to be out of the bed and not in that damned wheelchair. Anything to feel like this with the man she—

She stopped herself from completing that thought. She wasn’t ready for that kind of admission, even in the privacy of her own thoughts. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, willing herself to be calm, to ignore the pain that flared up occasionally. After a moment of silence, she opened her eyes again, reasonably composed.

“Why the laptop?” she said curiously.

“I thought it might help to pass those desperately dull hours when I cannot be with you.”

“Really?”

“Well, that and the videos.”

“Videos? What videos?” she said suspiciously.

“Just some little home movies,” he said calmly as he reached around her to press play on the video that Dembe had clearly already set up. “While you were unconscious, your colleagues and I thought that it might be a good idea to document our time spent with Agnes.”

“Agnes?” Liz gasped. “You have video of—” She trailed off as a video of a much younger Agnes came on screen. Agnes was sitting with Red as he read a story to her, leaning against him in much the same way Liz was now. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything. Just watch.”

“How many are there?”

“There’s at least one a day from the time you came here, we ended up with quite a collection, actually. Some long, some short, some important milestones, some minor tantrums, some _major_ tantrums.” He chuckled and Liz smiled contentedly at the sound. “Our little girl certainly has spirit.”

“Yeah,” Liz breathed, watching as Agnes helped Red turn the pages, following along as he read aloud to her. Liz squeezed Red’s hand and snuggled against him even closer, watching the two most important people in her life make their way steadily through the story.

* * * * *

An hour later, Liz was exhausted. She’d watched Agnes at the park with Aram, building blocks with Ressler, being fed by Samar and being chased through the house by Dembe. And Red. She’d seen so many videos of Agnes and Red. Eating, reading, playing, sleeping. Taking her first tottering steps. Singing loudly and terribly out of key. Watching ridiculous children’s shows. Kissing him good night.

“Shall we watch another one, Lizzy? I believe there is one where Aram was baking with Agnes as his little well-intentioned but ineffective helper.”

“I’ve missed so much,” she said miserably. “She doesn’t even know me anymore.”

“Of course she knows you,” Red said quickly. “We talked to her about you every day. Everyone who came to visit would tell her stories about you, Lizzy. She just wants you to come home.”

There was that word again. _Home_. Home with her daughter. Home with Red.

“I just don’t know—” Liz said haltingly. “How can I ever make up for what I’ve lost?”

“There’s so much more to come,” he murmured in her ear as he gently massaged her back, wary of her sore muscles and brittle bones. “You can’t change what’s gone, Lizzy, so now you just have to focus on what you have ahead of you.”

“And what do I have ahead of me?”

“A life with your beautiful daughter. A fulfilling career of foiling dastardly criminal enterprises.”

“And you?” she said wistfully. “Do I have a future with you?”

“Always, Lizzy.” He nuzzled against her ear affectionately. “Always.”

She relaxed against him again, letting her tears flow freely now.

“Red?” she said after a few moments of contented silence.

“Yes?”

“You still owe me a strip tease.”

The sound of his laugh filled the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz prepares to return to work at the Post Office after her coma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... that was quite a break between chapters. I've had bits of all six chapters written for months but I've been battling a lingering case of writer's block and kept going back and forth in my head over which chapter would go in what order. Anyway. Done now.

Liz glanced down at Agnes and sighed. She was exhausted but she didn’t dare move. Agnes had been running a fever for the last few hours and Liz was terrified that if she fell asleep, Agnes would get worse. Liz tried to talk herself out of the increasingly negative spiral her thoughts were leading her into, but she couldn’t manage it. Her fears weren’t logical so she couldn’t rationalise her way out of them. Agnes had been sleeping relatively peacefully for the last hour but was still too close to her for Liz to be able to slip away easily. Agnes was stretched out comfortably on the bed, but Liz had been locked in the same, half-hunched position for what felt like hours now. Agnes had her small hand firmly grasped on her shirt and Liz didn’t want to risk waking her just so that she could leave.

Agnes had been fussy and clingy before she finally fell asleep and Liz had been happy to hover nearby, preferring to cuddle Agnes close as a means of some comfort for them both. But now, she really needed to escape to her own bedroom. She was due to return to work for the first time since her coma in the morning and she felt woefully underprepared as it was, she didn’t want to add bone-deep exhaustion as well.

Agnes mumbled quietly in her sleep and shifted position slightly, finally relinquishing her grip on Liz’s shirt. Holding her breath at this unexpected reprieve, Liz edged off the bed slowly, keeping her eyes on Agnes for any sign that she was waking up. She tiptoed out of the room and shut the door behind her, slumping against it in relief. She closed her eyes against the sudden, unwelcome tears and shook herself slightly.

_Get it together, Liz_.

She pushed herself away from the door and stumbled to the bathroom, stretching her stiff body as best as she could as she walked. She found her phone on the sink and was momentarily baffled, but then she remembered the frantic internet searches she had done in the first hours of Agnes’ fever. Her daughter was amazingly perceptive when it came to any changes in her mood and Liz couldn’t help but think this was because they had been separated for so long. Agnes would grow agitated at any sign of illness or worry in her, which would in turn affect Liz. The very prospect of scaring Agnes made Liz feel sick to her stomach, so she had taken to hiding in the bathroom any time she needed to get herself under control.

She picked up the phone and eyed it speculatively. She knew it was late, but she so desperately wanted to call Red. Beg him to come over and keep her company throughout the long night. She knew that he would, too. She knew that she wouldn’t need to beg him, she’d only have to mention it in passing and he’d be on his way within minutes. But she also knew that he had just returned from a business trip that had been particularly arduous. They had spoken earlier in the day, before Agnes started to feel sick, and Red had told her how exhausted he was. That in itself was a startling admission and Liz had felt a warm glow inside of her at the thought that Red had felt comfortable enough with her to share it. They had agreed to meet the next evening, after she had finished work. At the time, it had seemed like the best idea. Now, as Liz stared longingly at her phone, she wished she’d told him to come by tonight. He’d make the night so much easier to endure, she knew it.

Liz sighed as she put the phone back on the sink. She wouldn’t cave this time. She had to learn how to handle these things on her own and Red needed to rest just as much as she did. Liz nodded determinedly at her reflection in the mirror then bent her head, turning the cold water on and splashing at her face a few times. She grabbed her phone and slowly walked back to Agnes’ room where she sunk down to the floor, leaning her back against the door and stretching her legs out in front of her. Glancing at her phone, she saw that it was already after midnight and told herself that she’d stay there for another 15 minutes before dragging herself to bed. Agnes would be able to make it through the night whether Liz was sitting outside her door or not, but Liz might not make it through work the next day if she didn’t get some sleep. Happy with her decision, she leaned her head against the wall again and closed her eyes.

A moment later, she heard the unmistakable sound of a key turning in the lock of her front door. She glanced around frantically, searching for whatever weapon was closest. Unfortunately, she had been trying to get in the habit of maintaining a relatively peaceful household and tried not to keep a weapon anywhere Agnes might find it, so she came up empty. Her gun was in her bedroom and the knives in the kitchen were too far away, so she picked up her phone and jumped to her feet, ready to at least call in reinforcements. She stood frozen with her phone held out in front of her in the vague hope that the intruder would mistake it for something more threatening.

She nearly collapsed in relief when Red walked into the room a moment later.

“Red,” she gasped. “Thank God.”

“Lizzy?” Red whispered in confusion, obviously surprised to find her holding out her phone menacingly in the middle of the night. “What are you doing?”

“I was—” She looked sheepishly down at the phone in her hand before slipping it in her pocket and moving towards him. “I was just about to call you.”

“Really?” he said sceptically. “Lizzy, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, just tired. Agnes has been sick the last few hours but she’s sleeping now.” She stepped into his arms and leaned her face up to him in welcome. “I’m glad you’re here, Red.”

“Have you had a hard day?”

Liz just groaned in reply and leaned against him, delighting in the way he rubbed his hands soothingly up and down her back.

“It’s getting better now,” she murmured and then repeated, “I’m glad you’re here.”

“So am I, Lizzy.”

They stood in silence together for a moment and Liz could feel the tension slowly draining out of her. After a while she suddenly remembered how he had got in.

“Hey!” She leaned back to look at him. “You used your key!”

“Yes, should I not—” Red looked down at her in confusion. “I’m sorry, I should have called, or asked—”

“No, not at all,” Liz said quickly. “I’m glad you did, that’s why I gave them to you.”

“Hmm.”

“Besides, what would the neighbours think if they saw you breaking in all the time?” she said in a faux scandalised tone. “This is a respectable neighbourhood, after all.”

“What makes you think they’d _see_ me, Lizzy?”’

She let out a low chuckle before pulling him in to kiss her, tired of waiting for him to do it. Their kiss was gentle. Tender. The grateful reunion of two people who cared deeply for each other rather than a mad rush of passion. Liz never thought she could feel that kind of comfort in such a simple gesture. She leaned her forehead against his and sighed happily.

A moment later, they both froze when they heard a soft whimper come from Agnes’ room. Liz held her breath, waiting to hear if she had woken up again. She closed her eyes in relief when there was nothing but silence and she leaned against Red, suddenly overcome by exhaustion again.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Red.”

“Yes, so you’ve mentioned,” he said playfully.

“Well it bears repeating,” she whispered, eyes still closed.

“Did you miss me, Lizzy?”

“Desperately,” she said honestly. “Every day, all the time.”

“Really?”

He sounded so surprised that she opened her eyes to look at him.

“Yes, really. Is that such a shock?”

“I suppose it shouldn’t be,” he said carefully.

Liz understood what he was trying not to say. She still wasn’t very good at openly articulating her feelings for him. Unless they were negative. She had that part down pat. She bit her lip, fighting her natural inclination to keep her feelings to herself.

_Come on, Liz._

“I’ve been looking forward to you coming home ever since you left,” she said in a rush, maintaining eye contact with some difficulty. “I’ve missed you more than I thought was possible. More than I thought I was even capable of.”

“You should have told me, Lizzy. I would have come back sooner.”

Liz just shook her head at him, smiling fondly. He would have come back, she knew that. There was comfort in the thought that she could _rely_ on someone again. She wasn’t sure when she’d be ready to actually take him up on the offer, but it was still nice to know that it was possible. A nice prospect for the future. For _their_ future.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time,” she said softly, raising her hand to his face to caress his cheek thoughtfully. “Thank you.”

“Next time you should just come with me,” Red said eagerly. “It’s high time we started showing Agnes the world, anyway.”

“And my job?”

“Pfft,” he said dismissively with a wave of his hand. “Elizabeth, there are criminals to be caught _everywhere_ , I’ll just start to be a little more selective with the ones I bring to your attention.”

“Selective, huh?”

“Oh, yes. I’ll be sure to choose criminals in all of the marvellous places I want to take you. Picture it, chasing down Blacklisters in Paris, Istanbul, Barcelona, Tokyo, Rome, Cape Town, Dubrovnik, anywhere you want.” He lifted her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss across her knuckles. “Only the best for my Lizzy.”

“And you’ll be okay with the team tagging along, naturally.”

“Well—”

“Picture it! You and Ressler travelling in your jet all around the world, sharing gelato in Rome or going sailing together in Dubrovnik or exploring the Louvre—”

“Enough, Lizzy, please,” Red cried dramatically. “You’ll put me off the idea entirely.”

“You could take him to all the places you’ve always wanted to show him!”

“Elizabeth—”

“I’m only teasing you, Red,” she relented. “I would love to go to all of those places with you.” She stopped talking as she was overcome by a huge yawn. “But not right now.”

“No, not right now. Let’s get you to bed.”

* * * * *

Liz woke when her alarm went off the next morning and felt a vague sense of unease about the day ahead. She hadn’t slept well, disturbed by a mix of her constant worry that Agnes was going to get worse and the fear that she wasn’t really ready to go back to work. Every time she jolted awake, Red had helped to calm her again, soothing her until she was able to fall asleep. Liz smiled at the memory and though she didn’t feel well-rested, she certainly felt much better for having him nearby when she needed him.

“Lizzy?”

She turned to face the door with a smile to see Red, wearing a fresh shirt and suit pants and holding a sleepy-looking Agnes in his arms. She didn’t doubt that he had a full suit, shoes and fedora ready for when he left her home, but for now she could still appreciate the more casual look he occasionally sported around her.

“Good morning,” she murmured. “Where did the clothes come from? I’m almost certain they weren’t in the apartment last night.”

“Dembe dropped them off this morning, I wanted to be around this morning to help you transition back to work,” he said, walking into the room and sitting on the edge of the bed. “I know you want to be on time today.”

“Maybe we should keep some of your clothes here,” she said shyly. “You know, if you’re going to be spending more time here.”

Red raised his eyebrows in surprise and Liz blushed.

“Only if you want to, Red.”

“I don’t know what to say, Lizzy.”

“So don’t say anything,” she said quickly, uncomfortable with the serious turn the conversation had taken. “Is that coffee I smell?”

He allowed the change of subject without comment.

“Yes, a nice strong pot of coffee is ready in the kitchen,” he said quietly. “How are you feeling today? Ready to return to the Post Office?”

Liz shrugged and averted her eyes.

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready if I just wait until I feel like I am. The best way to get past this may be to go right through it.”

Agnes wriggled out of his arms and crawled towards Liz. She held her arms open in welcome, kissing the top of her head when Agnes settled against her chest.

“Perhaps,” Red said speculatively. “But try not to push yourself too hard, there is nothing at the Post Office that is more important than your health, Lizzy.”

“Tell that to the FBI.”

“I don’t need to tell them anything I don’t want to,” he countered. “I care about you, not about them. I need you to promise that you won’t get hurt like that again. I need you to be safe.”

“I can’t promise that I won’t get hurt, Red, no more than you could. I have a dangerous job, but I promise not to make it more dangerous than strictly necessary.”

Red didn’t look convinced but they both knew the reality of the situation. Short of withdrawing from her current life and disappearing into a new identity, there would always be a certain level of danger and risk in her daily life.

“I know you don’t like it, Red,” she continued, more gently. “I don’t like it either. There is nothing more important to me than you two, _nothing_.” She held out her hand and he took it in his. “I won’t do anything to jeopardise that.”

“Really?”

“Really. It’s you, me and Agnes. That’s all I need.”

Red smiled and leant down to kiss her tenderly. Liz smiled against his lips and felt a wave of contentment wash over her.

“Do you want to get up?”

“In a bit, the Post Office can wait a little while, I think,” Liz said quietly, inhaling the scent of Agnes’ hair. “It’s not going anywhere.”

“I could always arrange a confidential meeting somewhere,” Red said casually. “Give you some information to take back to them later in the day.”

“Yeah? Any chance the confidential meeting would take place in my bedroom?”

“Naturally. Those are the best kinds, Lizzy.”

Liz grinned at him and beckoned him closer, patting the bed beside her in invitation. He carefully lay down next to her and placed his arm gently around both her and Agnes.

“And I’ll cook you something, if you’re hungry.”

“I’m okay.”

“You should eat something, Lizzy.”

“In a minute,” she murmured, leaning forward to kiss him softly. “Just let me have this moment for a little longer.”

She kissed him again, for longer this time until Agnes’ muffled giggle sounded between them. Red broke away from Liz and smiled down at Agnes fondly, tickling her gently and sending her into fresh peals of laughter. Liz relaxed back into her pillows, watching as Red made a great show of being overcome by Agnes’ own attempt at tickling him.

“Mama!” Agnes cried. “Mama, help!”

Liz was only too happy to oblige, crawling across the bed and tickling Red around the ribs mercilessly. When Agnes joyfully made room for her, Liz quickly straddled his hips and started an all-out assault of his torso while Agnes concentrated mostly around his neck.

“Have mercy!” Red cried out, laughing merrily. “Oh, please have mercy!”

“Never!” Liz yelled. “Agnes, get him!”

As Liz and Agnes redoubled their efforts and Red pretended to try to stop them, Liz thought desperately, _just let me have this_. Her heart swelled with joy at the combined sound of Red and Agnes laughing. _Please just let me have this_.

Agnes suddenly bolted off the bed, shrieking with laughter as she ran from the room.

“Can’t catch me!” she cried over her shoulder.

Red took advantage of Liz’s distraction to flip their positions quickly. He loomed over her threateningly as he held her hands above her head.

“It wasn’t very nice of you, Lizzy, taking advantage of my vulnerability like that.”

Liz grinned at him and rolled her hips up against him playfully, manoeuvring her legs carefully until they were wrapped around his waist.

“I’m sorry, Red,” she said softly. “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“I’m sure I’ll think of something,” he said in a mock-stern voice. “An appropriate punishment to fit your crime.”

Her eyes drifted shut as he leaned in to press his lips against hers. She moaned at the feeling of him pressed against her. It had been so long.

“Raymond!” Agnes cried indignantly from the other room. “You’re supposed to _chase_ me!”

Red slumped against Liz with a sigh and she smiled ruefully at him.

“She loves having you here, Red. You know that.”

“Hmm.”

“We _both_ love having you here, Red. Really.”

“Raymond!” Agnes whined. “Where _are_ you?”

“She missed you, too,” Liz said apologetically. “She may try to monopolise your time a little over the next few days.”

“Just like her mother, then?” he said teasingly and she lightly swatted him on the ass. “Lizzy,” he growled. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”

“Who says I can’t finish?”

“I believe the little girl currently stomping down the hall says you can’t.”

Liz laughed and let her legs drop down from his waist. Red regretfully stood up just as Agnes appeared in the doorway, looking thoroughly put out.

“Mama,” she said accusingly.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Liz said seriously, sitting up in bed. “I know you want to play with Raymond, but I just need to talk to him for a minute more. Is that okay?”

Agnes pouted and Liz fought to contain her smile.

“Baby, can you show Raymond your new books? You remember the ones that you wanted to read with him? How about you go find them, huh? We’ll be right out.”

Agnes’ face lit up instantly as she ran out of the room again.

“Books?” Red asked curiously.

“Yeah, she’s been saving them so she could read them with you.” She stood up from the bed and encouraged Red to place his arms around her. “But that can wait.”

“It can?”

“Yeah, just for a minute,” she whispered.

Red stared at her searchingly for a moment, tracing a finger down her cheek.

“Just let me have this moment for a little longer.”

“Lizzy,” he sighed, “take as long as you want.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, content to just be with him for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to anyone who reads/leaves kudos/comments! I really do love it when I get those notifications!


	3. Chapter 3

Liz woke up early one Sunday determined to have a productive day. There were things she wanted to do around the apartment that she’d been putting off for too long. There were old clothes to be thrown out, sheets to be changed and even some walls that needed repainting. Realistically, she knew that she’d get hardly anything done at all. Agnes was at a particularly clingy age and wanted to spend as much time as possible with her. Revising her list in her head, Liz decided that she’d do her shopping for the week, at least one load of laundry and she’d take Agnes to the park. She might even be able to find someone to take care of her for a few hours so she could actually achieve something for the day, instead of spending the whole time pushing Agnes on the swings and fighting off waves of bored exhaustion. She loved her daughter, more than anything, but single parenting was one of the hardest things she’d ever tried to do. She never really felt like she was succeeding at it, she knew that much.

Her phone buzzed quietly on the nightstand and she rolled over to look at it, hoping that it wouldn’t be a work emergency. She glanced at the phone and saw that it was just an email reminding her about a bill she hadn’t paid. Breathing a quick sigh of relief, she rolled out of bed and moved to Agnes’ room, checking to see that she was still sleeping peacefully. Smiling to herself at this unexpected reprieve, she dashed to the bathroom silently. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had an uninterrupted shower. She didn’t want to push her luck, however, so she ran through her morning ablutions as quickly as possible.

Fifteen minutes later, she was impatiently watching her coffee machine. She was being as quiet as possible while waiting for it to finish so she could have at least one cup of coffee in peace. Agnes was still asleep but that couldn’t possibly last for much longer, Liz didn’t have that kind of luck. Her phone started to vibrate as she poured herself a cup and she snatched it up quickly, smiling when she saw _Nick’s Pizza_ on the screen.

“Good morning, Red,” she said quietly.

“Good morning, Lizzy. And how are we on this fine Sunday morning?”

“Oh, you know,” she said breezily. “Can’t complain. I’ve got a list as long as your arm and I’m going to tick at least one thing off!”

“Only one?”

“I figured I should be realistic. Agnes is still asleep—”

Liz stopped talking abruptly as she heard Agnes running from her bedroom to the kitchen, making an incredible amount of noise for such a small person.

“Scratch that,” Liz said with a sigh. “The little miss is up and about, ready to cause some mischief.”

Agnes launched herself, giggling, at Liz. Liz put her cup down hurriedly and pushed it towards the centre of the table as Agnes started hugging her around her legs.

“Up!” she said imperiously.

“I think Agnes has been spending a little too much time around you, Red,” Liz said gruffly as she picked Agnes up, trying to balance the phone between her shoulder and her ear.

“Impossible, Lizzy,” Red replied cheerfully. “If Agnes has developed any bad habits, I feel sure she has got them from someone else.”

“She’s just getting to be quite _insistent_ when it comes to having her way,” Liz said through gritted teeth as Agnes tried to take her phone away.

“Oh, she definitely gets that from you.”

“Very funny. Agnes, would you like to speak to Raymond? Yeah? Okay, let’s speak to Raymond!” She took the phone away from her ear and put it on speaker. “Okay, Agnes, say good morning!”

“Raymond!” Agnes squealed in delight.

“Good morning, little sweetheart,” Red said warmly. “You’re up early!”

“Heard mama,” she said simply and Liz rolled her eyes. Her child had the hearing of a bat, apparently.

“And what are you going to do today?”

“We’re going to the park today!” Liz said enthusiastically, kissing Agnes soundly on the cheek. “Would you like to join us, Red?”

“There is nothing I would enjoy more,” Red said sincerely, and Liz actually believed him. He really would look forward to spending time with them in the park. He’d push back meetings and rearrange his schedule so he could push Agnes on the swings or watch her like a hawk as she made her way down the slide.

“Yaaaaaaaaaay!” Agnes said loudly, squirming out of Liz’s arms and running back to her room.

“Oh, that’s my cue, Red,” Liz said quickly. “I’m going to try to get her ready now and we should be there within the hour. Any time you want to join us will be fine, okay?”

“Of course, Lizzy. I’ll pack some food.”

“That won’t be necessary—”

“Elizabeth, we both know that you are in almost constant need of feeding, indulge me on this one matter. It’s not as if I ask that much of you.”

Liz snorted a disbelieving laugh and said goodbye before hanging up the phone. She gulped her coffee down as Agnes came tearing back into the room, dressed in one of her best dresses. It was one that Red had brought back from one of his many trips and Agnes _loved_ it, but she also didn’t want to face the inevitable outburst when she got it too dirty or torn to fix.

“No, baby, we’re going to the park,” Liz said, trying to suppress her smirk. “You shouldn’t wear that—”

“But it’s pretty,” Agnes said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“It’s very pretty, baby, but you don’t want it to get all dirty, do you?”

Agnes crossed her arms and glared up at her mother.

“Pretty.”

“Agnes,” Liz said warningly. “Go and put some play clothes on, please.”

“Raymond gave it to me, mama,” Agnes explained patiently. “And it’s pretty.”

She clearly considered this to be her trump card, but Liz was in no mood for this ridiculous argument. It could spiral and turn into a full-blown tantrum if she wasn’t careful.

“Do you want to go and see Raymond at the park?” she said calmly.

“Yes,” Agnes replied sulkily, pouting.

“Then hurry up and put your play clothes on or we’re not going.”

There was a tense stand-off for a minute before Agnes stomped her foot loudly and flounced back to her room. Liz sighed as she watched her go. _So much for a productive day._

* * * * *

As Liz and Agnes strolled across the park about an hour later, she wasn’t at all surprised the find Red and Dembe waiting for them. Red grinned at them as they approached and held up a picnic basket triumphantly. Agnes broke away from Liz and barrelled into him gleefully, leaning up to press a quick kiss to his cheek and then kept running almost immediately, making a beeline for the swings.

“Hello, Red,” Liz said, gratefully taking the hot cup of coffee he handed her. “I know I shouldn’t be surprised that you managed to organise all of this in the hour since we spoke, but—”

“But you are in awe of my skill and expertise,” he interrupted smoothly. “I don’t blame you.”

She rolled her eyes at him and took a sip of her coffee, sitting down on the bench next to him.

“Look, mama!” Agnes called out excitedly. “Look how high I can go! Look, mama, look!”

“Yeah, I can see, baby!” Liz called back, waving at the little girl and trying _not_ to notice how high she could go.

“She’ll be fine, Lizzy,” Red murmured comfortingly. “She’s fearless.”

“That’s what worries me,” Liz muttered.

“Well, if it’s any comfort, she currently has three highly-trained, highly-skilled adults watching her and none of us will let any harm befall her.”

“I know,” she sighed, shifting closer to him so she could lean casually against his shoulder. “I just can’t help but worry about her.”

“That is the nature of parenthood, I’m afraid. Constant fear offset by overwhelming love and boundless joy.”

“When exactly do we get to the boundless joy part? Because I feel like I’ve only been allowed the first two so far.”

“The first two make the third possible.”

“Pfft,” she scoffed. “Sounds like a cop-out to me.”

“We have to take what we can get, Lizzy,” he said cheerfully, holding up his coffee cup. “Cheers.”

“Cheers,” Liz said, gently tapping her cup against his. “Here’s to boundless joy.”

They sipped their drinks in contemplative silence for a minute, watching Agnes swing higher and higher. Liz bit her lip and inched slightly closer to Red, taking comfort in his warm presence beside her. Without taking her eyes off Agnes, she slowly reached out to clasp his hand in hers, interlocking their fingers.

“Are you hungry, Lizzy?” he asked quietly. “I have some sandwiches which Dembe assures me will be delicious.”

“Sounds great,” she said absently, not releasing his hand.

“Are you going to let me get them?”

“Do you need this hand to get them?” she asked seriously, holding up their joined hands.

“Yes,” Red said patiently. “May I have it back?”

“Not yet,” she said, still watching Agnes. “The sandwiches can wait.”

“How about some fruit?” he said persuasively.

“Do you need your hand to get it?”

“Lizzy—”

“It can wait, Red,” she said firmly, turning to look at him with a smile. “I’ve got everything I need.”

“Yeah?” he murmured, leaning closer to her and raising his eyebrow flirtatiously. “Everything?”

“Oh yeah,” Liz said playfully, lifting her coffee cup again and taking a long sip. “Everything I need.”

Red chuckled and leaned back again, sipping at his own coffee.

“Mama, look!” Agnes called again before launching herself off the swing when it reached its highest point. Liz winced when Agnes hit the ground with a thud but forced herself not to react. The only thing that betrayed her concern was a slight tightening in her grip on her cup.

“Easy, Lizzy,” Red murmured. “She’s fine.”

Liz let out a sigh of relief when Agnes got back to her feet and started running towards them again, giggling.

“Mama, did you see me? Did you see?” she gabbled excitedly, climbing onto the bench and inserting herself forcibly between Red and Liz, forcing Liz to finally let go of Red’s hand. “Did you see?”

“Yeah! You jumped so high!” Liz said in a passable attempt at enthusiasm, ruffling Agnes’ hair playfully. “Do you want something to eat? Raymond has brought some food.”

“Not hungry,” she said simply as she kicked her feet against the bench.

“You sure? There are sandwiches. No? How about some fruit?”

Agnes shook her head firmly and Liz draped her arm around her, drawing the little girl closer to her side and pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Why do you both insist on denying me the pleasure of feeding you?” Red murmured grumpily after a moment and Liz laughed. “It’s not funny, Lizzy.”

“We’re sorry, Raymond,” Liz said, trying and failing to keep the laughter from her voice. “Aren’t we, Agnes?”

“We’re sorry,” Agnes repeated dutifully, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. “Aren’t we, mama?”

“We’re sorry, Raymond,” Liz parroted, pressing a lingering kiss to his cheek.

“If you think kisses will get you out of this—”

“I don’t want to get out of it!” Liz insisted, still laughing. “How about some of those sandwiches, huh? I hear they’re meant to be delicious!”

“Elizabeth,” he said warningly, but Liz could see the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Come on, Red, it’s not like I ask much of you.”

* * * * *

A couple of hours later, well-fed and completely sick of the park, Liz turned to Red with what she hoped was a beguiling smile.

“So, what do you have on for the rest of the day?”

“Nothing that can’t wait,” he replied cheerfully with a knowing glance. “What do you need?”

“Do you mind watching Agnes for a little longer? I really need to get to the store and pick up some groceries for the house.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, the food situation is verging on dire, I’m afraid. I really wanted to get some stuff done today but then—” She gestured vaguely at Agnes, still hard at work on the playground. “You know how it is.”

“I certainly do, but why don’t I just send someone to get what you need? Or, better yet, we all go to the store together?”

“You want to go buy groceries with me?” she said incredulously.

“Lizzy, there are very few things that I wouldn’t want to do with you.” He stopped to consider this statement for a moment. “At least nothing that you wouldn’t already be choosing to do yourself.”

“Uh huh?”

“Although if you ever want to get creative—”

“Raymond Reddington,” she scolded playfully, “there are young ears about! I hope you weren’t going to say anything _suggestive_ to me.”

“I was merely going to suggest you put your _considerable_ talents to more _creative_ uses.”

Liz had no idea how he managed to make something so innocent sound so dirty.

“But I digress, what do you say? Family trip to the store?”

Desperately trying to ignore the little flutter of pleasure she felt at the word _family_ , Liz bit her lip, reluctant to agree to his plan. It’s not that she didn’t want to spend time with them both, she’d just learned the hard way recently that going to the store with Agnes could be a very difficult exercise.

“I don’t know, Red,” she said slowly. “Agnes has recently developed some, shall we say, _grabby_ habits when we’re in the store.”

“Grabby?”

“I think it’s just that she’s developing a passionate love for food.”

“I wonder where she could’ve got that from.”

“No idea,” Liz said wryly. “But that passion can make it a little difficult when you’re just trying to get your shopping done, you know?”

“Come now, Lizzy,” he said persuasively. “Think of the fun we could have. You could pick out all the things you’d like me to make for you this week.”

“You’re planning to cook for me?”

“I’m planning to feed you. If you want me to cook then I am, of course, happy to oblige you.”

“Maybe we could cook something together,” she said shyly.

“Maybe we could,” he agreed with a smile, “but in that case we’re definitely going to need to go to the store.”

And so there they were, shopping for groceries on a Sunday morning like a family. And try as she might to suppress them, Liz could barely contain the giddy feelings of happiness this occasioned. When they arrived, she watched Dembe perform a quick, unobtrusive scan of the building to check for any obvious threats, but Red was too busy pulling faces with Agnes to notice. As soon as Dembe nodded his approval, Liz directed Red to the bakery section, knowing he’d feel at home there and delegated fresh produce duties to Dembe.

“Divide and conquer,” she said to Dembe quietly. “Hopefully we can get out of here quickly before Red and Agnes decide to just buy everything in the place.”

Dembe smiled in understanding and moved away, grabbing a basket and dodging the other customers efficiently. Liz, meanwhile, made a mad dash through the rest of the store, pulling things off shelves in a rush and barely noticing what she was choosing. Something told her that once Red got on a roll with shopping, she’d lose him for the whole afternoon. She was still a little hopeful that she could get some laundry done later in the day.

Ten minutes later, she was wandering back to where she’d left him, checking items off her list and feeling very pleased with herself. She rarely got the chance to actually go shopping these days, so this felt like quite an achievement to her. She passed Dembe on her way and he relieved her of her shopping basket, nodding towards the checkout counters.

She smiled at him gratefully and said, “I’ve just got to round up the rest of the troops, be right there.”

Marvelling at Dembe’s ability to appear at home in every possible scenario, she continued to stride towards the bakery section. After a few minutes of searching, she found Red sitting on the floor with Agnes on his lap. As she got closer, she realised that they were staring at a packet of croissants and speaking in a low, serious undertone. Liz stopped so close to Red that their feet were touching and waited for him to look up.

“Hello, Lizzy,” he said nonchalantly, as if nothing out of the ordinary were going on. “Back so soon?”

“Mama!” Agnes cried, scrambling to her feet and beaming up at Liz. “Raymond was teaching me about cr – cro – crows—” She turned a puzzled face back towards Red, who hadn’t moved.

“Croissant, sweetheart,” he reminded her gently, drawing her back into his arms. “Say it with me now, _croissant_.”

Agnes tried to copy him, watching the way he moved his mouth with a child’s hyper fixation, but she mangled it so badly that she collapsed in giggles against his shoulder. Red cradled her against him and sighed in pleasure. Liz smiled fondly down at the picture they made, marvelling at the love she felt for these two and how it could hit her so suddenly.

“I guess it’s never too early to learn about pastry, huh?” she said wryly, kneeling down so she was on their level.

“I was actually thinking that we’d left it a bit late,” Red replied in a faux scandalised tone. “What will our little Agnes grow to be if we don’t set her on the right path now?”

“Did you actually _choose_ anything from here or did you only have time for some rudimentary pastry lessons?”

“Elizabeth, we will not risk damaging our dear girl’s tastebuds with inferior pastry! Luckily, I know the perfect place where we can get appropriate bakery items.”

“Of course you do.”

“What do you think, Agnes? Should we take mama to get some proper croissants?”

He tickled Agnes as he spoke, sending her into another fit of hysterical laughter. Watching them together, Liz was temporarily overcome by such a feeling of tenderness that she just stared at them in silence, a wide smile spreading across her face.

“What’s that smile for, Lizzy?” he said, looking up at her and smiling as well.

“Oh, you know,” she said quietly. “Just a little boundless joy.”

And then she leant forward and kissed him, onlookers and security cameras be damned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to anyone who takes the time to read/leave kudos/comment. I always appreciate it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz recovers from yet another injury in hospital. Red does not take it well.

The first thing she was aware of when she woke was pain. A vague discomfort spread across her body, but she could only distinguish a specific area of pain near her chest. Everything else was too mixed up for her isolate. She groaned out loud and was surprised to hear the sound of a chair being pushed back quickly.

“Liz!”

She opened her eyes slowly and squinted in the direction the sound came from. Aram’s concerned face swum slowly into view.

“Aram?” she croaked, suddenly aware of how dry her throat was. Aram seemed to realise this at the same time, and he picked up a plastic cup of water, helping her to take the straw in her mouth. She sipped gratefully with her eyes closed for a moment before attempting speech again. “What happened?”

“You’re in the hospital, you’ve been unconscious for a couple of days.”

“What? How did—” Liz looked around the room she was in, confused. It was unmistakably a hospital room and she seemed to have an awful lot of tubes attached to her. She lifted her hands so they were in front of her face, shocked at their appearance. They were covered in bandages and what little skin remained visible was heavily bruised. “I don’t remember, Aram.”

“What’s the last thing you do remember?” he said, looking at her intently.

“We went to the warehouse,” she began hesitantly, not knowing if her memories could be trusted. “There was a tip-off about the Blacklister. Ressler and Samar went in through the front and I was going around the back to cut off that escape route.”

“Yeah,” Aram said encouragingly. “And then what?”

“I don’t know, it’s all a blur after that. I hit my head, I think.”

“Well, not exactly. From what Agent Ressler has told me, you were clipped by a car as you were chasing the suspect. When they found you, you were already unconscious, and they called it in. The Blacklister got away.”

Liz narrowed her eyes in concentration, but she couldn’t dredge up any memories of how she got her injuries.

“Was it serious? I mean, I know getting clipped by a car is always serious—”

“It was pretty bad, Liz,” Aram murmured. “A concussion, a couple of broken ribs and some pretty bad bruising. But you’re going to be okay, the doctors say that you will make a full recovery. You’ll just be sore for a while.”

Liz nodded her head in understanding and then winced at the pain this simple motion caused.

“Is Agnes okay?”

“Mr Reddington has been caring for her.”

“Red!” She sat up quickly and then had to take several deep breaths against the pain. “Is he – does he know – did he—”

“Easy, Liz,” Aram said gently, trying to coax her into lying back down again. “Mr Reddington is very concerned about you, of course. He’s been in every day to check on you.”

“And terrorise the doctors,” said an amused voice from the doorway. Liz looked up and smiled at Samar. “Nice to see you awake again. You’ve gotta stop getting knocked out like this, Liz. I thought Reddington was going to tear the Blacklister apart when he heard what happened.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, it was his tip that sent us to the warehouse,” Samar said, walking closer to the bed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like that. He was—”

She trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words to describe it. Liz didn’t need her to describe it, though, she could imagine it very well on her own. Red would have been terrified at her being admitted to hospital _again_. Especially when she had been unconscious for a few days.

“Oh God, I need to speak to him,” she said determinedly, closing her eyes to the now familiar pain in her head. “He must know it wasn’t his fault.”

“I don’t think it matters what he knows, Liz,” Samar said reasonably. “You know how protective he is of you, especially since,” she waved her hand through the air to encompass Liz’s recent history in hospitals, “everything.”

“Yeah, but I can explain—”

“Explain what, exactly? How can you make it better? I think you just have to accept that he’s going to be a little more antsy than usual for a while. At least as long as you’re in hospital.”

“Great,” Liz sighed, settling back into the bed. “And how long am I going to be here this time?”

“We don’t know,” Aram said. “Now that you’re awake, the doctors will need to have another look at you.”

“Okay, but can someone call Red in the meantime and let him know I’m awake?”

“Of course, Liz.”

* * * * *

A week later, Liz was awkwardly trying to feed herself with her bandaged, battered hands, when she was distracted by the voices just outside her room.

“Reddington, just go in and see for yourself.”

Liz paused with her spoon halfway to her mouth and listened intently to hear what Red would say. She’d only seen him once since she’d woken up and even that was in the company of others. She knew he was avoiding her, sending Dembe in with Agnes for visits and dodging her calls. She just didn’t know _why_.

“She needs her rest, Donald. I do not want to disturb her.”

Liz rolled her eyes and dropped her spoon back into her bowl.

“That’s crap, Red, and you know it,” Ressler barked.

Liz found herself nodding vigorously in agreement with her partner as she slowly, painfully tried to stand up from the hospital bed. She got tangled up in some of the tubes connected to her and cursed under her breath, making her miss the start of Red’s reply.

“—the last thing Elizabeth needs.”

Liz rearranged herself and tried another angle, this time managing to stand up successfully.

“And that’s for you to decide, naturally,” Ressler said sarcastically.

She clutched her IV pole tight, breathing slowly through her nose and trying to gather her energy to attempt the walk across the room to the door.

“That is not what I meant but I could hardly expect you to understand, Agent Ressler.”

“Oh, I understand alright, Reddington. You’re scared to face her.”

Liz took a few careful steps and then glared at the door. She was sure her room hadn’t seemed that big before, how had the door gotten so far away?

“I am not scared to face Elizabeth,” Red insisted coldly. “I have some business to attend to nearby and merely wanted to check on her progress.”

“Have you even spoken to her?” Ressler said and Liz was amused to hear indignation in his voice. “Do you have any idea how many times she’s asked after you?”

“I have been busy—”

“Yeah, busy avoiding Liz. What’s the matter? Can’t face the damage you cause?”

Liz closed her eyes in frustration and growled, “Ressler,” knowing her couldn’t hear her, knowing it wouldn’t do any good. She kept up the torturous steps, hoping she could reach the door before Red left. She knew that if he went now, the chances of her being able to speak to him about all that had happened would only diminish.

Gasping in relief as she finally made it to the door, she opened it with more force than she’d intended and stumbled a bit. Red darted forward to catch her so quickly and with a look of such sweet concern on his face that Liz was almost prepared to forgive him for avoiding her lately.

Almost.

“Red,” Liz said through clenched teeth. “Get in here, I need to talk to you.”

Ignoring Ressler’s smirk, Liz turned away to make the journey back to her bed. She didn’t want to admit it, to herself or anyone else, but getting out of bed had taken its toll on her. Fighting a wave of exhaustion, she awkwardly settled herself back in the uncomfortable bed and closed her eyes, breathing deeply as she waited for the sudden flare of pain to pass.

“I can handle it from here, Agent Ressler,” Red said smoothly as he started to shut the door.

“You better,” Ressler said meaningfully. “I’ll be back later, Liz.”

“Thanks,” she sighed, smiling at him. “I appreciate it.”

He nodded and allowed the door to close. Liz listened as his footsteps retreated down the hall and then looked at Red. He was avoiding her eye, instead taking an inordinate amount of interest in the sparse hospital room.

“Well, Elizabeth, I don’t mean to rush you, but is here something you wanted?”

He sounded so calm, so unconcerned as he settled himself into a chair by her bed that she wanted to slap him. He removed his hat and placed it carefully on his knee, smiling patiently at her as he waited for her to speak.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t act like this doesn’t bother you.”

“Of course it bothers me, Elizabeth.” He still sounded perfectly composed and she narrowed her eyes at him. “It bothers me any time an associate is injured in the course of their work for me.”

“Associate?” she hissed and he flinched. “Don’t do this, Raymond.”

All of his haughty composure vanished in an instant and he slumped forward in his seat, covering his face with his hands.

“Lizzy,” he said desperately, “I can’t do this.”

A spike of terror shot through her and she fought to keep her voice level as she said, “Can’t do what?”

“I can’t keep watching you get hurt like this.” He finally looked at her and she gasped at the look of pain on his face. “I can’t help but think that our relationship poses an unnecessary risk to you.”

“How does our relationship effect whether or not I’ll be hit by a car, Red?”

“You wouldn’t have been there at all if it weren’t for me.”

“Yeah and neither would Samar or Ressler. What’s that got to do with anything?”

“I care for them both, of course, in a way,” he said impatiently.

“As associates,” she said mockingly.

“Yes,” he said, gazing at her steadily. “Associates who will occasionally be hurt. Associates I will mourn if the worst was to happen. Associates that I care for _slightly_ more because of what they mean to you.”

“I sense a but coming up somewhere.”

“ _But_ ,” he said forcefully, “they are _nothing_ compared to you, compared to how I _feel_ about you.”

Liz remained silent, sensing that he still had a point to prove. She needed to rally her arguments anyway, she had a horrible feeling that she knew where this was headed.

“If Agents Navabi or Ressler were killed chasing a Blacklister I sent them to apprehend, I would almost certainly go after the culprit myself. I would avenge their deaths but then I would _move on_ with my life.”

He sighed and looked away from her, staring unseeingly at the wall for a moment. She wanted to reach for his hand to offer some comfort, but he was too far away from her, so she simply remained silent and watched him.

“When I found out what happened to you, Lizzy, my world _stopped_. I was consumed with a rage so blinding that I could do nothing until I had eliminated the man who dared to hurt you.”

“Red—”

“And then I eliminated his associates,” he continued harshly. “And then I went after his business.”

“Oh.”

“It’s not the act of revenge I object to, you understand.” He sounded almost cheerful as he said this, and Liz found it more than a little unnerving. “I have never shirked that particular duty, even when I find it personally unpleasant.”

“So, what is it?”

“It’s the thought that I am unable to _function_ if you are in real danger. It’s the fact that your closeness to me makes me vulnerable and makes you even more so. I will destroy anyone who hurts you, Elizabeth, and not lose a moment’s calm over it. But the thought that I am the one who causes your pain? _That_ is unacceptable to me.”

“Red—”

“Dembe had to remind me to go to Agnes, Elizabeth.”

“You would have gone anyway.”

“Of course I would have,” he snapped impatiently. “But the fact that I was _so_ consumed, so completely taken over by my need to destroy—”

“Red, please, listen to me,” Liz said quietly, reaching out a hand imploringly, still too far away to reach him without his cooperation. He stared at her in silence before he reached over to grasp her hand in his. “I know that this isn’t easy for you, it isn’t easy for me either. And I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through all this again, but the possibility of me being hurt is no reason to give up on this. On _us_.”

He grunted and looked away. She squeezed his hand, silently begging him to look at her again.

“How many times have you had to remind me of things, Raymond?”

“Lizzy—”

“How many times have you had to tell me to take care of myself? To eat better, to sleep more? To make time for myself?”

“It’s not the same—”

“Needing a reminder to do something important isn’t a bad thing, Red. It just means you’re human.” She gently pulled him towards her, encouraging him to sit on the bed. “Who would’ve thought, huh?”

“Lizzy, please—”

“And we’ve been over the dangerous nature of my job a million times, it’s not going to get less dangerous if I stop sleeping with you.”

“It might,” he said sulkily.

“Is that what you want, Red? What you really want?” she demanded. “Because if it is, then at least have the decency to say it to me straight. Don’t pretend that you’re doing it for my own good when you know damn well that it’s for your own sake!”

“That’s not—” he growled, obviously frustrated. “There is no way my life would be better without you in it, Elizabeth.”

“Good!” she cried. “So, that makes two of us.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said quietly, his eyes slipping shut.

She smiled at him fondly and reached a hand up to his cheek.

“So _don’t_.” She brought his face forward until she could press a gentle kiss to his lips. “Don’t hurt me by leaving me, Raymond.” She continued pressing soft kisses across his cheek and up his face, making her way to his forehead. “Please don’t hurt me.”

“Lizzy,” he whispered, sounding anguished. “I can’t—”

“Don’t hurt me, Raymond.” She pressed a kiss to his nose and then brought her lips back to his mouth, kissing him tenderly, trying to convey just how much he meant to her with her kiss. “Please, Raymond, I need you here.” She kissed him again. “I need you with me.”

“But what if I get you hurt again?”

“You don’t hurt me, Red,” she insisted. “You save me.” He let out a strange, disbelieving noise at that. “You _do_. Every day you’re with me, you save me, Red. Don’t you know that?”

“Lizzy, I don’t know how to do this. I feel—”

“Powerless?” she suggested gently, and he looked at her sharply, recognising his own words from so long ago.

“Yeah,” he breathed raggedly. “Completely powerless.”

“I know the feeling,” she said, smiling at him encouragingly even as she felt tears fill her eyes.

He leaned toward her to press a soft kiss to her forehead, and she closed her eyes, allowing the tears to fall. He pulled her into a gentle hug, mindful of her injuries, and allowed her to cry unimpeded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always, to everyone who reads/leaves kudos/comments!

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to anyone who takes the time to read/leave kudos/comment. Sometimes it is the only light in an otherwise dreary day!
> 
> Also, as implied by the title, this will have six chapters in all.


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